July 1984
Challenge for Wife and Mother
Kumaran, Savitri
It is said in our scripture, The
Holy Kural, "She is the helpful wife who possesses the fullness of
household culture and spends within her husband's means...A worthy wife is
the blessing of a home and good children are its precious
ornament."
The woman, mother, indeed has an important role as the
spiritual anchor of the home. Her attitudes and action help to form the
attitudes of her children. The need for her to be at home with her
children and to maintain the spiritual vibration of the home has been well
established. However, the Hindu woman in the West, or even in urban India,
faces a unique challenge that her mother and grandmother never had. She
faces the challenge of her role virtually alone, without the support of
the extended family. She has no mother, sister or even cousins close at
hand from whom guidance can be sought, for she lives alone with her
husband and children. The supportive nest of the extended family is not
there. She may not even know other women in the community where she lives.
Where then does she get her support? Does she have it all stored in her
mind-how to raise her children, live on her budget, relate to her
community? Unlikely! She must have the help of her husband.
Now,
this gives the husband a new challenge, unknown in traditional village
life. If the woman is the spiritual Ï flower of the home, the man, then,
is the garden keeper. Anyone who keeps a garden knows that while a flower
may be kept indoors to beautify a room, it will not thrive there for very
long. It needs the sunshine, fresh air, rain and the presence of other
plants in the garden to provide life-giving energies. It needs tender
caring and nourishment and much love. These needs are not very different
from those a of a woman.
The extended family seems to be the ideal
way to meet the needs of a young mother. In the extended family home the
young mother has the needed company, help and guidance when her babies are
young. Her doubts and fears are removed by the security of her family's
traditions. She doesn't become lonely if her husband is working long
hours. She has others around her who care about her and her children. The
urban or Western woman does not always have this comfort.
This is
when the responsibility of helping to maintain harmony comes to the
husband. If the family is fortunate enough to live near a temple, the need
to associate with other women can be met through a temple society that
does service for the temple or perhaps has cooking or music classes
available. A woman may need encouragement from her husband to belong to
such an association. Perhaps he may even need to help care for the
children so she may attend a class once or twice a week.
Although
our Holy Kural rightly says, "`Sweet are the sounds of the flute and the
lute,' say those who have not heard the prattle of their own children," if
the prattle of children is all she ever hears, a mother may being to
question her sanity. She needs her husband to talk to her, have pleasant
conversations, ask about her cares and concerns. The isolated family needs
to do things together a bit more than the extended family does. A weekly
outing or fun activity does wonders for the harmony of a home, making it
all the more pleasant for her to tend to her duties the rest of the
week.
For the Hindu woman living in a totally isolated situation
with not temple around which to focus family life, the situation may be a
little more difficult. However, there are support groups available for
young mothers, such as the La lecher League, and most communities have
classes available in the evenings, such as dance, cooking and
sewing.
Again, it is the husband's encouragement that will inspire
the woman to participate in such activities. He can also encourage her to
volunteer at their children's school once a week or so. Her presence in
the classroom can give the children a deeper security and can give her an
opportunity to monitor the attitudes in the schools so that she and her
husband can make necessary corrections at home (it they differ with the
family's Hindu philosophy.
The Hindu family in the new Saivite
world faces many challenges. The building of temples and formation of
Hindu communities and schools will help the family to meet these
challenges. But, for the "pioneers" of Saivism in isolated situations, it
is the "mutual support, both spiritual and material, of husband and wife"
(Saiva Dharma: A Catechism for Saivite Hinduism, page 24) that will keep
the family strong so that Lord Siva's love may prevail. Aum
Namasivaya.
Mrs. Kumaran lives with her husband, Rajan, and their
four children in Honolulu, Hawaii. She serves as a childbirth educator and
midwife.
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