January, February, March, 2003

IN MY OPINION

Who's Teaching Whom?

How two months with 30 children changed my life

BY SHEILA GAYATRI EVANI, CANADA

I am an ordinary Hindu girl, born and raised in Canada. I have been blessed with everything I ever really needed. My family is extraordinary, and they love me very much. They instilled in me positive values and a deep appreciation for our Hindu heritage. I also have good friends who have always supported me in my personal and academic pursuits. Last year, I entered law school on my way to the kind of career I have always dreamed of. Yet with all of this, I felt something was lacking.

As a law student, I have chosen a career that is by definition adversarial. It is predicated on the principle of the survival of the fittest and can be emotionally and spiritually draining. Even in school, I have gotten a taste of what to expect. It scares me. I don't want to become just another unfeeling lawyer in an unfeeling profession. No career is worth sacrificing your principles or your soul. For this reason, I felt this last summer would be better spent building character rather than a resume. So I spent two months working with thirty children at an ashram in Malaysia. Little did I know how much more I would learn from them than they would learn from me.

The ashram is a foster home for underprivileged Hindu children. Its mandate is to not only provide for the material and physical needs of the children, but also to instill in them religious and spiritual values. I was asked to expect no luxuries and told I would live, sleep and eat with the children. I was also warned that, although the children were basically good-hearted, most of them came from backgrounds of neglect and abuse and had behavioral problems.

Understandably, I was nervous when I first arrived in the North, not far from Thailand. I was prepared for the worst. Imagine my relief when I found myself in a spotless, modern building, featuring a well-lit worship hall with rooms for recreational classes and community religious functions. The two large bedrooms for the children—one for boys and another for girls—were well equipped with fans, mosquito netting, comfortable beds, indoor plumbing and hot water. The children were a far cry from the ragged little delinquents I had expected. They were beautiful, healthy and well-dressed. In fact, many of them were wearing better clothing than I was. From the very beginning, I was touched by their generosity and warmth. It melted my heart that, although I was there to take care of them, they were very often the ones taking care of me. All at once, they were like friends, siblings, guardians and progeny.

The biggest problem I had in the ashram was not being able to speak or understand Tamil and Malay, which were the languages most frequently used by the children. Because their facility with English was rudimentary at best, our initial communication was difficult. Yet this turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Searching for a way to befriend without words, I recalled something I had read somewhere: "People are not remembered for what they say or do, but for how they make you feel." This turned out to be a key for me. Slowly, I was able to transcend the language barrier by striving to give and receive feelings of affection. This is not to infer that these young ones were always little angels. They could be loud, rowdy, petulant, manipulative, irrational and impolite. In short, they were children. Yet, I came to understand that even in the worst of situations, they were only crying out for the love and attention that was their birthright but that they had never fully received.

In so many ways, my return from Malaysia to Canada was the beginning, not the conclusion, of an incredible journey in mind and spirit. Daily, I discover that who we are is far more important than what we are. I will always be grateful to those 30 Malaysian children who taught me how to love, hope and communicate beyond words.

Sheila Gayatri Evani, 24, lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where she studies law and serves the Student Legal Aid Society by helping the poor receive legal aid. In the photo above she is holding ashram resident Thenmali.