U.S.A. January 2, 2007: Jane Adams quotes experts in childhood development, mothers and religious mentors that offer practical down-to-earth suggestions on “How to Raise a Compassionate Child.” Under headings of Promote sweetness, Enforce rules, Guide friendship, Encourage helping, and Build on their smarts, Adams encourages parents, teachers and caregivers to build and nurture this quality in children. To promote sweetness by being gentle Kimberly Mazone of Dresden, Maine, mother of 4-year-old Sienna and 3-month-old Lucca says, “I say we use our hands to give love. You’re being a little bit rough. Let’s be gentle. Let’s show our love with our hands.” This is when an older child is being rough with a baby.
When it comes to enforcing rules Janice Cohn, Ph.D., author of “Raising Compassionate, Courageous Children in a Violent World” says, “Make unacceptable behavior, like hitting, always unacceptable even if it’s her birthday. If something is wrong it has to be wrong all the time.” A parent can guide the spirit of friendship by saying positive and helpful things about friends and relatives. “Kids, as we know, are always listening. How we talk on a daily basis about our own siblings, parents and relatives tells them a lot. If children hear us saying something really negative about Grandma, they learn that it’s OK to talk that way,” says Suzanne Coyle, Ph.D., a mom and director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Christian Theological Seminary in Indianapolis.
Nancy Manewith, director of the Board of Jewish Education Early Childhood Centers of Metropolitan Chicago, Illinois says that children in their congregation are encouraged to help by bringing in pennies and counting them and then giving them to charity or to buy mittens and scarves for poor children, which opens the door to conversations about war and poverty. Reverend Gatta, who’s also a mom of a 12-year-old, says she builds on her children’s smarts by exploring their feelings. For example, Reverend Gatta says, “Talking about book characters is a good way to help. We’d read Snow White and I’d ask why do you think the witch was jealous of Snow White?”
Adams sums up her perspective on the subject, “Children have an inborn capacity for compassion. Small in stature themselves, they naturally identify with stuffed animals, other kids, pets, and underdogs. The tricky part is that their empathy must compete with other developmental forces, including limited impulse control — which makes them pull the cat’s tail — and their belief that their needs absolutely must come first — which makes it hard for them to let their cousin push the cool fire truck.”