SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, February 28, 2007: (HPI note: This is a long and insightful article on arranged marriages among Indians in the San Francisco Bay Area.)
In India, the Middle East and some parts of Africa, arranged marriages remain the predominant way to bring together couples who share the same religious, cultural or tribal background.Accepting a marriage partner selected by the family may seem odd to some Americans, but many immigrant families continue the tradition here, though often it comes with a modern twist. With immigrant communities spread out, parents may resort to placing ads on matrimonial Web sites or encouraging their children to attend a “matrimonial banquet” where dozens of eligible singles meet in sessions of well-chaperoned speed-dating.
Regardless of how the match is made, religion, culture, social status and family values play a bigger role than romantic love. Parents, aunts and uncles scroll through personal ads placed by other parents or talk to families with eligible children. The prospective spouse is evaluated with the rigor of an employer looking for a new hire. Families often come up with a handful of prospective partners for their children to meet, and then they let their children make the final choice.
Vinita Battu decided to marry 15 minutes after meeting her future husband. It was March 1991 in India. Vinita, 26 at the time, was at work and got a surprise afternoon phone call to come home. Her parents told her they had met a man they believed would make a good match. Vinita was not really looking for a husband. “I was more into my career and was not planning on getting married so soon,” she said Earlier that day, her parents had gone to Shekhar Battu’s house to meet his family and interview him. They grilled the 30-year-old on his background. They asked how long he had lived in the United States, where he worked, his salary and whether he smoked or drank. Later, he found out that his future father-in-law had called his employer in San Francisco to verify his work information. Vinita’s parents liked Shekhar enough to invite him and his family to their house to meet their oldest daughter. Shekhar and his family arrived at Vinita’s home later that afternoon. When they met, something clicked. “The first time I saw her, I just liked her,” Shekhar said. “(I thought) ‘I don’t mind spending the rest of my life with this girl.’ “We hardly spoke. It’s just a gut feeling. … I was willing to take a big chance,” Vinita said. They were engaged in two days and married just eight days later because Shekhar needed to get back to his Bay Area tech job. Now married nearly 16 years, the San Ramon couple has two boys. Vinita says their relationship is still evolving: “We are discovering each other day by day. Love grows after marriage,” Shekhar said.
There are no statistics on how many arranged marriages occur in the United States, and records are not kept at local houses of worship, but the manager of Livermore’s Shiva Vishnu Hindu temple estimates arranged marriages account for about 90 percent of the marriages performed each year for couples of Indian descent.
There is no clear way to gauge whether arranged marriages are happier than those based on romantic love. But divorce is rare. Although many couples undoubtedly are satisfied with their marriages, other couples stay together because of cultural and familial expectations, not necessarily because they are happy, said Jejeebhoy, the New Delhi researcher.
For the rest of the story, click URL above.